Personal,
Emotional and other advice!
DILEMMAS:
MISC
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
am 24 years old and I have found the girl of
my dreams. She is 25 and I want to marry her
and she wants to marry me. We have done everything
the right way, I have told my parents and she
has told her parents. Her parents invited us
around to their house so we can take the marriage
talks further.
Everything went really well and after we left
both families were really happy.When I spoke
to her a few hours later she told me that her
parents have said NO!! I thought she was joking
but she was not.
Her father has said no because he thinks we
are a lower cast. He was not happy with her
getting married in the first place.
He was against my family coming around and he
also said that he does not want her to ever
get married. He has planned for her siblings
to get married but not her. She is the eldest
of 5 children.
We have tried on numerous occasions to get them
to understand that we are not what they think,
but they will not listen to anyone. We have
given them the opportunity to ask who ever they
want to find out the truth, but they have said
we already know so why should we.
They have now made the girls life a misery because
her father does not talk to her and has not
for the last year and her mother is always saying
really bad things to her. They treat her really
bad they don't make her dinner but they do for
everyone else they make her walk to work in
the cold weather. They are always making really
bad comments. They are emotionally black mailing
her by saying if she is to marry me then she
is never aloud to come home or contact any member
of her family also that she will end up killing
her father if she was to leave. She will not
leave her family because she loves them so much.
She is such a good person that no matter what
they are saying or doing she still treats them
with love and respect. When ever anyone tries
to speak to her father about it he pretends
that his blood pressure rises and he feels sick.
They will not listen to reason. My father called
to speak to her father and he lied and said
that the whole family is saying no (its just
him), my father said that if there is anything
they would like to know or they aren't sure
about then please talk to us. Her dad said its
nothing to do with your family you are a very
good family and are very respectable it is just
that she is not ready to get married. So please
drop the subject.
It has now got to the stage where her father
is trying to get hold of my number to warn me
off and he is saying that if he is ever to see
me he will do some thing.
My parents are now saying to me that if they
wont agree and she can't make a decision then
I have to leave her. I am the last responsibility
my parents have. I do not want to leave her
and I will fight for however long it takes but
I some times feel selfish.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am now suffering
from depression and because of all the stress
she is going threw her health has gone down
hill. She is not eating properly and she gets
really bad head aces. Her periods have become
irregular she is having them every 3-4 months.
She has loads of pains in her body.
We have explained to her family that we are
not a lower cast and even if we were cast has
nothing to do with Islam!! but they will not
listen and have gone as far as saying that the
prophet said that we are not allowed to marry
lower cast!
It is just her father that is causing the problems.
Everyone else still wants it to go ahead but
they don't want to go against her father. We
have no one to turn to on her side of the family,
no one is willing to step up and help.
They are planning to take her Pakistan in the
summer. According to them its just because she
needs a break because she is under a lot of
stress and so she can see the family (if they
cared about the stress they wouldn't do what
they are). But I am really worried about her
going to Pakistan.
This has been going on for over a year and half.
She still thinks that every thing will work
out and things will happen the way we want but
I don't see it getting better
PLEASE HELP
Best
Regards
Z
A
Solution
Visitors
- Email
Us some advice to what Z A should
do!
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
am an asian single mum looking for a decent
guy who will be willing to take on a ready made
family but after being on my own for nearly
4 years I just don't see that happening. I don't
want to spend the rest of my life on my own
but muslim men just don't want to take up someone
else's children. Could you please give me some
advice?
Best
Regards
Anon
Some
Solutions - by Asian Community Networks Visitors!
Perhaps
this person should broaden her outlook and add
possible future partners from other religions/cultures
to her criteria list. There are plenty of lonely
guys out there that would enjoy the company
of a woman who has children and are mature enough
to be able to take on a ready made family.
By
F Mckay
Dear
Aunty ji,
I
have some advice to give the Asian single mum,
I hope you will relay the message to her. I
am saying this from one asian woman to another
perspective: From her email, I feel she has
low self esteem and self worth.
She
must first of all learn to value, respect and
love herself. Only then will she be ready to
be loved. She must become a strong, independent
woman, do things that make her happy, give her
satisfaction eg learn a new skill, start a new
hobby etc, in this way she is extending her
horizons and outlook on life and also meeting
new people.
She
should not worry about narrow minded asian men
out there, not all the world is like that. she
will find someone who really deserves her in
due course. she should not give up hope, but
most of all, she should not under any circumstances
put herself down. Her and her children should
come first and foremost.
Kind
Regards,
Rupi
Within
Islam it is necessary to give a woman shelter
- not only in a financial situation, but on
an emotional level. For a man to take the responsibilty
they should look at the Sunnah and see how our
prophet lived his life for guidance.
This
advice really should go to Muslim men rather
than this lady - Muslim men have a responsibility
to look after the women in their religious society.
They should look at the examples that have been
set for us in the sunnah instead of the narrow-mindedness
set within our cultural boundaries.
Regards
& Salams - May Allah assist you.
Mohd
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
French
student looking for info!
I
am currently doing a Masters degree at Aix university
in the south of France. I have orientated my
studies around the Pakistani community in Newcastle:
their lives, hobbies, associations, integration.
I was wondering whether you could give me some
information or a few useful addresses in Newcastle.Thanks
in advance for your time and help.
Lesley
Solution
Dear
Lesley
Why
don't you contact the local government bodies
in Newcastle that may be a good start! I'll
email the details to you.
Additionally
if any of our readers are from that region e-mail
us with suggestions for our friend
here
DILEMMAS:
MUSIC / FILM
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
Hello,
I'm sorry to bother u, but I found your webpage
and want to ask you something. I was wondering
about the movie Raashq. Is it an old movie?
Also did the movie itself has release or finish
making? And if it was released and finish making,
did shahrukh play the main role or guest appearance?
I
would be so grateful if u answer my email. I
lived in thailand so I don't know much about
bollywood. Thank you for your time
mine7light
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Solution
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
Hi
- Great website! Do you know of any shops in london
that sell Lollywood
DVD's &/or Videos? Would be very grateful
if you could help with this query.
Olly
Pybus
Solution
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
DILEMMAS:
MODELLING
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
am interested in becoming a model. I would like
to become a indian model.
How do I become a model? What qualities do I
need? How do I start ? Could
u please help? Who do I contact? Thank you.
Dear
Auntiji
My
name is Azzy. Iam interested in asian wear modelling.
I would like to become a model. I wanted to
know if u have any information.
Azzy
Dear
Auntiji
I
am new to modelling. I have been told by many
people that I should go for
the Asian magazines such as Asiana, Asian bride,
Asian women. I have tried
to search for contact details for these magazines
or the agencies they use
but had no success. Is there anyway you can
direct me to the good contacts.
Please find my profile attached for further
information. I appreciate any
help you can give.
Thanks,
Mariam
Solution
Dear
Models!
Try
writing to the editors of these magazines, maybe
with a picture of yourself, obviously they are
very busy so do not always have time to answer
your calls. By seeing your picture it may give
them a better option to see if you are suitable
for them.
There
are a couple of Asian Modelling agencies - (obviously
go for the reputable ones!) that you can register
with. Why not try www.bamonline.com - You could
also try some of the Asian TV channels. Additionally
you could also try NON-ASIAN modelling agencies
as well!
Auntiji
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
DILEMMAS:
EMOTIONAL ISSUES
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
have relationship problem can agony aunt help,
I'm 21.
Shazia
Solution
Dear
Shazia
At
this age every problem seems like the end of
the world - tell me more about your problem,
I will try &help you.
Aunitji
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
My
name is Resham and my children are going to
uni this September (I have got only 2 children)
and I'm finding it very hard to let them go,
please tell me what to do. Thanks
Resham
Solution
Dear
Resham
Beta,
children are your destiny, not your property.
It is hard to let go because you are their mother
and you have brought them up - no doubt all
your life has been spent bringing them up. Let
them go - and also use this opportunity to live
your own life. It will take time to get used
to this - but as long as you are there to love
and support them, they will always be your children.
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
wish to remain anonymous - I am 21 and I am
only 1m57 and my weight is 63kg. I feel very
awkward because no clothes really fit on me.
I feel inferior at times because of my figure.
I am vegetarian and I tried hard 2 lose weight
but in vain. Please help me
Anonymous
Solution
Dear
Anonymous
Beta,
firstly you must overcome your mental state
of feeling inferior, your physique does not
make you inferior.
Secondly,
I think you should go to your docter to seek
advice on what kind of exercise that are able
to do, a combination of exercise and healthy
eating will help you lose that bit of extra
weight. (BTW have you even consulted your docter?
Because from your proportions you do not sound
overweight - but you must check this with your
docter!) You know- the ultimate thing with us
Asian people is sweet and fatty food, which
isn't too healthy for us anyway, I know we will
be doing an article on this in the near future
- so keep an eye on the diet / exercise and
Health pages - I'm sure we will be able to give
you some ideas on improving your physical health.
The main thing is though, is about the psychological
aspect - to have a positive attitude about losing
the weight, and overcoming the inferiority complex,
it saddens me that the youth today are so worried
about the exterior, but do not focus on the
inside - beta take time to understand yourself
- the rest is easy.
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
DILEMMAS:
MATRIMONIAL ISSUES - Finding a partner / Marriage
Problems
Dilemma
- Finding a partner
Dear
Auntiji
I
am quite a tragic case. I lost my father and
grandmother a year and
a half ago. They pestered me to do the honest
thing and get married
before they passed away, I refused and here
I am now just desperate to
find a like minded begali man. I enjoy tae-kwon
do, surfing and diving
and keep fit. I have tried and searched for
bengalis in bristol and
cardiff but failed to find anyone. Can you help?
Justna
Solution
Dear
Justna
DILEMMA
Dear
Auntiji
I
came across your Q&A section on your website
and was reading one of your emails about a girl
who is looking to marry without dating. You
mentioned she should pass on details to you.
I
have tried all sorts of marriage events, internet,
family, everything but still cant find any suitable
muslim men who want to settle down without dating
first.
Can
you help me also? I am looking for someone in
London/Essex as I have tried outside of London
and other countries but feel that that distance
is a problem.
Hope
to hear from you sonn.
Miss
AZ
SOLUTION
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
am Muslim girl who believes in traditional values.
I have now come of age and marriage proposals
are being offered. although my parents have
initial say in possible guys/families the final
word is mine. That's the problem, how do I choose?
I've been told to follow the path that my heart
lays out, but what if my heart is being true
and not looking for materialistic thing such
as good looks, status and money. What I need
is a good, caring partner who I can really count
on for the rest of MY LIFE. I do believe that
love can come after marriage, but only if I
make the right union.
Smaira
PS Speed dating or intro's are not an option
for me
Solution
Dear
Singles
This
really depends on you! What are your priorities
& expectations in life? If you can find
a partner who matches that at the very least
- that in itself is an amazing think. Additionally,
on the spiritual level, there is an option called
"Istikhara" that a lot of Muslims
use to come to a decision, especially one such
as marriage.
It
doesn't matter how you meet someone - its what
you really want that counts! There are many
ways of meeting people, such as personalised
match-making services through "Aunties"
who do match-making. The new alternative is
Mehfil Match (www.MehfilMatch.com
/ 07903 499 670), they have started a
new personalised match-making service that is
run by people of your age & in a similar
position to you, so understand your needs &
problems.
Life
is a gamble, no-one can gurantee that your life
will be perfect - the only sure thing in life
is death & taxes!
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here.
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
need to meet a man that is Muslim & normal
- who wants to get married, and not just date
and who is respectful - Where can I meet such
men????
Anjum
Solution
Dear
Anjum
Well,
I know the Auntie Racholan is now old fashioned
so I suggest the Muslim
Speed Intro event rather than Speed
dating, one of our girls went to the event and
has written a review on it, have a read then
try maybe.
Otherwise,
send
me your details, I know many nice
Muslim boys that are like what you are looking
for.
READERS RESPONSES:
Why
not try using matrimonial web sites i'm sure
theres bound to be sum 1 4 u
U020503
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
This
e-mail might sound daft to you but I have tried
for months to find out how to get to know an
Asian woman in England. The internet sends me
to sites where its too expensive and you have
to travel round the world to meet any one. I'm
a Englishman of 51, an ex-serviceman of 22 years
and live in the south of England and I find
Indian Pakistani and Chinese Woman a cut above
English woman? You are my last hope. I do hope
you can help me as I know cultures are very
different, but I am willing to learn and to
give 100% in a relationship, if I was acceptable
. Please help to find me a soul mate! Thank
You
MR
G CHICK, Bournemouth
Solution
Dear
Mr Chick
I
suggest a couple of things, firstly register
(for FREE) with our matrimonial
section.
Secondly,
check our events page regularly to see what
events are happening, these would have a high
percentage of people of ethnic origin and where
you would be able to meet the kind of people
you are looking to meet.
Thirdly,
befriend a nice Asian Auntijee local in your
area, and ask her if she can introduce you to
any nice girls. You can try getting some information
from local corner shops etc. I have personally
looked at my register of girls, and cannot find
anyone too near you, but there is bound to be
a local Auntiji that can help you.
Fourthly,
if all else fails, register with some Asian
Matrimonial Bureaus, although expensive, can
be of assistance.
Fifthly,
you could start attending the local mosque,
as it is currently Ramadan you can go and get
some free food at Fast opening times (around
4.45pm in London), as well as network with lots
of people. You can ask people about the religion,
and start participating in the organising of
events etc. If you do wish to take the religious
path then the Imam (the Muslim priest) will
no doubt help you find a Muslim wife, if you
do become a Muslim.
Next
week on our lifestyle section we will be doing
a feature on six ways Asian people get married,
if not all of them apply, some of them may be
able to assist you.
Readers-
e-mails us what you think Mr G Chick should
do!!!!
DILEMMA:
Marriage Problems
Dear
aunt agony
i am having problems at my home with my partner,
firstly i do not really want to lose him because
i really deeply love him on the other hand life
seems very hard, I have two children, and we
are always arguing everything we talk about
ends up into a argument, he loses his temper
and so do I, sometimes I feel I want to break
this marriage up but then when i feel this is
the man Ilove i just cannot go ahead with diovorce
or seperation. My first child is 5 and second
is 9 months. My husband is always in depression
and always wants to stay unhappy for no major
reasons can you please give me some advice how
can I stop arguing with him.
Mrs A
Solution
Archive
of Problems
Hair
& Beauty Problems
DILEMMAS:
HAIR REMOVAL
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
just wanted to know what mehod i can use to
remove my hair, as I have eczema and cannot
use 'sensitive' products. Thank-you
Fatima
Treatment
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
Let
me know about articles for unwanted hair.
Tina
Treatment
We
will be doing a feature about unwanted hair
soon-we'll keep you posted!
DILEMMAS:
HAIR
Dilemma
I
am an asian man with very short hair and a greasy
scalp and I am starting to lose my hair at the
back. Could you please recommend a hair product
that would help me.
Thank
you.
Ahmed
TREATMENT
DILEMMAS:
SKIN
Dilemma
Hello,
this mail is for aunt agony. I am 17 yrs old
and my name is Jawad. I am really worried about
my looks. My skin is really oily and my complexion
is also dark and this oil further makes me look
ugly. I am also suffering from pimples and they
leave a spot on the face as they leave. I just
want to have a nice and soft skin free of spots.
I know that you can help me. Iam desperately
waiting for your reply. Pls answer me as soon
as possible. Bye.
JAWAD
TREATMENT
DILEMMAS:
MAKE UP
Dilemma
Could
someone please advise me on some good pink/nude
lipsticks to wear. I like the shades used in
your baby pink article and wonder whether you
could recommend a selection of shades and brands
to use. I have tried MAC but havent found a
shade I like.
Many
thanks for your time,
Amira
Treatment
DILEMMAS:
EYES
Dilemma
Is
there anything we can do to get rid of dark
circles under the eyes? I'm not sure what causes
them so I live with them. As I get older, I
notice them more and more. I wear very little
make-up so I'm not really looking for a "cover-up"
solution -- I'm looking to get rid of them from
the inside out.
Treatment
Under
eye circles are often due to excess melanin;
they get worse as we age. Vitamin K has long
been successfully used to treat bruising and
decrease dark circles. Add it to your daily
diet (or consider a vitamin K supplement) and
break open a capsule of vitamin K with a safety
pin, and pat it gently under the eye at night.
While they circles fade, be sure to drink lots
of water. You can also mix a little yellow eye
shadow with moisturizer to lighten them. Best
of luck!
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
DILEMMAS:
DIET
Dilemma
Dear
Auntiji
I
wish to remain anonymous - I am 21 and I am
only 1m57 and my weight is 63kg. I feel very
awkward because no clothes really fit on me.
I feel inferior at times because of my figure.
I am vegetarian and I tried hard 2 lose weight
but in vain. Please help me
Anonymous
TREATMENT
Dear
Anonymous
Beta,
firstly you must overcome your mental state
of feeling inferior, your physique does not
make you inferior.
Secondly,
I think you should go to your docter to seek
advice on what kind of exercise that are able
to do, a combination of exercise and healthy
eating will help you lose that bit of extra
weight. (BTW have you even consulted your docter?
Because from your proportions you do not sound
overweight - but you must check this with your
docter!) You know- the ultimate thing with us
Asian people is sweet and fatty food, which
isn't too healthy for us anyway, I know we will
be doing an article on this in the near future
- so keep an eye on the diet / exercise and
Health pages - I'm sure we will be able to give
you some ideas on improving your physical health.
The main thing is though, is about the psychological
aspect - to have a positive attitude about losing
the weight, and overcoming the inferiority complex,
it saddens me that the youth today are so worried
about the exterior, but do not focus on the
inside - beta take time to understand yourself
- the rest is easy.
E-Mail
Us with suggestions for our friend
here
Archive
of Problems
|
